Fffffuuuuuuuuuuu
just one of those MOODS YANNO


I hate how everything I do is influenced by the internet. I've made so many changes to my characters and my stories, even to the point of throwing them out entirely, because i read some dude's comment/journal/blog/whatever that way like "X is awful and over done and unoriginal everyone should stop it."
And it's just like....I get so discouraged, so easily. I hate it! Even though I probably wouldn't have gotten this far without the internet, I hate how 99% of it (including myself) are just....negative ALL THE TIME.
And I know of a few people on the internet who are BADASS and awesome and I love them, but it's always been the negative people who changed my mind and influenced me more than the cool dudes.
I know that ~there's no such thing as originality~, but is it really that bad for people to try? To maybe have fun or something weird like that?
Some days I just want to unplug everything, throw it in a snowbank and just do whatever feels right, in regards to stories and things. And not care if someone's gonna poke fun at it or think it's stupid.
I just thought of this as I was writing it, but I hate how some people I know irl poke fun at things I draw, even if what I drew is completely normal in real life. And even if it ISN'T, like how Aendre is a fantasy world and not EVERYTHING is going to make sense to someone that doesn't live inside my head. So what if I drew two guys sitting together? So what if I drew a boy with dog ears and a tail? So what if I drew a guy without a shirt on to practice muscles? It's not up to you to decide what my characters should and shouldn't be/do, it's ultimately MY decision.
It's especially annoying when people laugh. Like really?? Show me something YOU'VE done and YOU love, and allow me to take a dump on your effort and see how you like it. Example; a friend I have irl was laughing when I was telling her how to pronounce various names on Aendre. AFTER SHE ASKED ME TO. How is that funny? That just further reinforces my self-consciousness about everything that goes on in my head. It's dumb things like that that are making me rethink everything. Like HEY Ryker gets a girlfriend, HEY it's probably too weird for them to maybe have kids ERASE. Oh HEY no wonder Freedom Flight is so damn flat.
And I'm not trying to say BE NICE TO ME OR YOURE A FAGGOT GTFO MY LIFE just....don't be a dick lol. It kinda bugs me how it's like that, how someone puts time and effort and love into creating something just to have it /spit on by some asshole who hasn't decided to step out of their little box yet.





FUCK THIS MAKES NO SENSE but I feel better now kind of.
Also warning spoilers lol